Tuesday, December 4, 2012
I couldn't sleep. Had so much to get off my chest and it's 4 in the morning, so accepting the fact that I will pull an all nighter (might as well go early to the gym before work) I figured that I needed to vent out my thoughts and I'm so glad that I remembered the empty pages of my beloved blog waiting for me ti fill it with what's weighting my heart down.
I miss parts of my past (don't we all?)
I've just finished my Masdters in Diplomacy and International Affairs from Zayed University AD and though I received well wishes and some flowers from my lovely frineds I can't seem to help but feel...empty. As if it's not much of an acheivement for me...why?! I thought to myself. After to long years of being taken to AD and back to Dubai while studying in the car I just feel very little to no sense of acheivement.
Forgive me all if this post seems unorganised (those who got use to the posts on my blog know by now my writing style so for those first timers, I apologize).
Now, going back to my point of missing the past....I feel there some parts of it that I would have liked to correct it or at least wished I was wiser back then, I know, I sound immature about lamenting about things that have gone and are in the past (not everything mind you, some incedents I am glad have occured and some people removed from my life, I promise no regrets there.) but I can't conjure the strength in me to fight this heavy thought of What if, or, I could have/ I should have/I have said the right things...I don't know. Al I know that I feel slightly empty.
I feel a bit tired from giving as well, I just don't have the energy to give and I truly wish I'd start living for me...I've been so busy trying to be impressive and now I just need space I do not want to be extremely career oriented nor a superficial lazy gal. I, in no way find the concept of a 'obsessively career driven women' appealing. Never did, never will and I never want to be in that category for I have seen these ladies in action and it's frightening. They're obsessed in taking down one another to be in the spotlight....no I don't want to be one of them. I just want to be my simple self. Having a simple desk job and doing research on what I love (risk management and geopolitical risks...I know what you're thinking...that is NOT simple lol).
You know what I truly want to be? A florist. Yes a florist. Not just any entreupeneur who owns a shop, but to own it and work with flowers : ) . The very thought of that makes me smile.
Maybe I know think about it while running on the treadmill in an hour since I've got 1 hour left to get ready for work. Elhumdellah, I'm just glad I wrote bits and peices of my thoughts here, I feel lighter at heart right now. Should get back to my writing as it's always been a sanctuary for me.