Friday, April 30, 2010

Been thinking about it


Many have encouraged me to go for it but never really took it seriously. But now...I think i'll work on writing an amusing book. Don't want to blow the cover on what's it about but will try to publish it soon inshAllah no that I already have the material. =)

Monday, April 26, 2010

A thought


People I haven't been in touch with for years are starting to enter my life one way or another. People I didnt get along so well with but was yearning to make my peace with them. I believe they started coming back when I learned to make peace with myself, stopped worrying about the small things in life and just...let it be in God's Hands.
I'm not saying i'm 100% complete but I know for a fact that I'm far from what I used to be and so proud of it Elhumdellah =)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

*Sigh*


Struggling to embrace and show your outspoken individuality in this society can be painfully lonely…

Thursday, April 8, 2010

My classic facebook statuses!



I finally had the time to compile a list of the favorite facebook statuses I wrote, keep in mind this is Part 1 friends, hope you find it witty and amusing =)

• To all the decieving back-stabbing inconsiderates, I forgive you...right after you get hit by a bus.

• Each of us represent a star in the sky. Sometimes we shine with the rest, sometimes we twinkle alone and sometimes, when we least expect it, we make someone else's dream come true.

• Discovered that my german is beyong rusty when I responded to a waitress 'the pig is humble'.

• Walking in the lovely woods of germany. Only to be sprayed by massive water sprinklers...Hansel and Gretel never had this problem Darn it!!

• Is there a polite way to request that your change be placed on the counter and not squished in your hands? I'm sorry but DARN IT I just find it annoying sometines!

• Looking at this banner that has photos of sugicaly-enhanced, nasty-looking women with a flashing text that says 'Meet UAE Women'...First of all, these are NOT UAE women. Second of all, I feel sorry for the guy who's going to pick a wife from that bunch.

• Quietly admiring the twittering of small birds behind the curtain...then bangs on the window to scare them cause they were getting noisy...What? Oh like you have never done that before?

• I think Im starting to like Twitter more than Facebook. On Twitter 'Friends' are called 'Followers' and it's not crazy to refer to yourself as a third person. Yes, the offering of Twitter pleases Noora greatly.

• Seriously, Hermes bags and a lethal dose of makeup when visiting the family of a deceased??? Some of these people sicken me. Have some respect for God's Sake, its only a 30minutes visit to show our sorrow, not your non-existing elite class!

• Amused by people who say they are open-minded just to sound sophisticated. I'm sorry, but when you say you are 'open-minded' what does that even mean? Cause trust me, it's not always a good thing...unless you are in Amsterdam.

• No offense to anyone but when going to a job interview,when the first question asked is "Tell me about yourself and career" Im tempted to ask "Have you even looked at my cv?"....Ok this status isn't going to help me get a job interview anytime soon.

• Tonight, I plan to drive a Starbucks employee crazy by buying a 5 shot 'Venti' 2/5th decaf, ristretto shot, 1pump Vanilla, 3pumps Hazelnut, breve,5 sugar in the raw, with whip, carmel drizzle on top, free poured, 4pump mocha..No Im not a Starbucks fan cause I don't drink coffee. Oh and I'll say 'large' instead of 'Vent...

• I noticed some Restaurant Managers choose the inconvenient time(when your mouth is full) to ask you how's everything to avoid hearing you. I for once, plan to grab the Manager, slowly finish chewing my food, and give a 20 minute critique of the food that was served. Then I'll ask for a new meal since mine went cold because i kept talking for 20 minutes.

• This fashion season better be a short phase, because there's nothing hot about big shoulder pads, neon-colored stretch pants and environmentally hazardous plastic accessories. I mean honestly, who's regurgitating the whole 80's style of fashion? For those of you with weak English, go to Google (click on image for visu...

• Ladies, have you noticed that at malls when (some) group of girls passes by another group of girls there's this eye staring 'mortal kombat' showdown? They don't even blink....Not even a goldfish can challenge them!

• Can't sit on the couch... watching an awesome fight scene on House of flying Daggers.

• Friends, please go easy on the codes and symbols with your BlackBerry nicknames, for I am Noora Al Suwaidi. Not Agent Anastasya Alexandrov of the KGB.

• Dear Writers of the famous television series 'LOST', Do not create a television series of people who crash land on an island if you don't know where you're going with it, don't just make it up as you go along because if you do…it's going to start sucking very quickly.

• I think it's absolutely wonderful that everyone will be taking the Metro.....Because I can finally drive properly....like Michael Schumacher . *Attempts to imitate the sound of an F1 racing car driving by*

• I'm sorry but there is an annoying increase of local women with HIGH-PITCHED VOICES which is not even their real voice. Ladies it is not cute to the ears. It's painful. It also makes me feel like my deep womanish voice sounds unattractive.

• I have a strong urge to buy packs of mentos and large bottles of coca cola to perform a spectacular cola fountain show in the backyard. Take THAT Dubai Mall! For those of you who forgot their chemistry (or just missed Mtv's JackA**) when you drop a mentos sweet in a bottle of cola you get a massive geyser.

• I will not adhere to an idealistic vision of beauty, marketed by fashion magazines, and negatively reinforced by a society that’s dum enough to believe that beauty only appears on the cover of a magazine. I'm beautiful and so is my double cheeseburger.

• If my kindness was a person it would be the greatest boxer Mohammed Ali Cay. Cause it gives you that notorious 'right-hook' sweetness you when you least expect it and leaves you shooked up in the head...notice how I make nice things sound agressive?

• After Ramadan and Eid, I plan to eat 60 cheese burgers for dinner. It's part of my new diet...the "Drive your digestive system into givin' up on you" diet.

• For those who are wondering what's it like to sign on a cast well look no further. I have a broken leg.

• Mom is trying to convince me into buying a gold-white gown....mom I love you but, the gown is not me, it looks like a fatal collision between an angry swan and a golden chandelier.

• Hitler and Chaplin are having fights about who copied who's moustache again. My money's on Chaplin.

• L8r? Tc? brb? Btw? Is it me or are people too lazy to type vowels?

• Im stuck in this leg cast and bored.....I'm also looking at some makeup and fighting the urge to get creative using my face as a canvas.

• In the hospital waiting for my cast to be changed. An adorable 'chipmunk-cheek' little boy asked if he can draw on my cast with his crayons, and I let him......What!? They're going to change it anyway.

• I need to tone down on being too nice and giving. It never seems to be appreciated or good enough...not that I'm expecting the same in return it's just that I find it sad.

• Was in Wafi with my crutches a saw some girls sporting the 'Twilight' look (very fair foundation and drowsy vampire-like eye contacts). I didn't know whether to laugh or re-enact a scene from The Exorcist by sprinkling holy water and yell: "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!"

• If you hold a ('6AB) close to your ear, you can hear the desert... That's a UAE lizard btw.

• Shallow sycophants and insincere flatterers are the scourge of this society... We must squirt lemon in their eyes.*raises her lemon slice in the air*WHO'S WITH ME!?

• Remember that movie "alien vs predator"? That was my idea since high school...America stole my idea.

• Never be apologetic or shy of your privileged social status. If people continuously mock and judge you based on it (no matter how giving and nice you are) it's only because they reek of jealousy. Why can't people say mashAllah and just get along?!

• You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life

• It's sad that some people apologize just to brag later about how saintly wonderful they are and how horrible and immature the other person is because they didn't initiate in the apology process...Whatever happened to the pure and sincere apology ( the one you shut up and don't brag about it to other people later on).

• There seems to be an increase in roadkills. I blame RTA for confusing cats,`6abs and other animals with new roads everyday!

• My friends, I'm sorry but, broadcasting excessively on BlackBerry is not considered 'staying in touch'. You do that by calling the person. : )

• The true definition of a centerpeice: The exact location where I'm supposed to be. Yes I think highly of myself every morning. Its a workout.

• Happy Birthday my friend, I didn't get you a present...oh, my sister got you one? Well thts from me too, unless you hate it.

• I have decided to make my life as entertaining as Cirque Du Soleil!

• Ladies. This fashion trend of wearing a HUGE leather belt above the belly button area with a shirt is not new, it's old. Cause thts how the butchers in Sharjah dress up..only the HUGE leather belt is used to hold their knives. قاصين عليكم!!!

• Wedding coming up. Time to look like a fabulous drag queen whose gone crazy with the pecock feathers...No seriously. I love peacock feathers.

• Having lemon and salt as a snack....my brain is loving the combination but my tongue is hating it.

• Khalo, the baby will talk when he's ready, relax. It's not like he knows the cure for cancer and he's just not spitting it out.

• I'm having a silly girly problem...My closet is full but I feel I have nothing to wear. Is anyone suffering from this feeling lately?

• Dear creator of the movie 'The Time Traveler`s Wife' I wish you the blazing fury of a thousand suns.

• Leave me a comment and nobody gets hurt!

• Mom got me the snuggliest, softest and most ginormous blanket! It's so fluffy and comfy that I.......*THUD* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*drool*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

• Wal Mart Online is selling coffins...Yes I'd like to purchase the 'lady de Guadalupe Steel Casket'...for my enemies!!

• Friends. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it can buy lots of things that make other people envious, and that's just as good.

• There was a costume party and all the girls wanted to be either beautiful actresses or princesses..how boring and superficial. What's wrong with wanting to dress up like Mother Theresa!

• there are two kind of people in the world: those that take action, and those that convince others to take action because they wanted somebody else to go first....I'm the second type, only I shove, not convince.

• Just thinking.This Human rights group usually protects people who don't deserve protection (they're mostly corrupted people with influence or want media attention to themselves). Plus I feel it has too much of a western concept and is not tailored properly to our culture and religion. My opinion, you don't have to like it.

• To those who pride themselves in using no animal products whatsoever (hippies). Your clothes were created on sewing machines that used electricity from coal and oil, and those come from dead dinosaurs...so that means you need to start making exceptions for yourselves or walk around naked.

• Dammit Sunday! What did I tell you about showing your face!?

• They say stress and work shortens people's lives, which is why I will sit on my chair and do nothing...Hence Immortality!

• Some genius decided to create a product known as the 'Chopork' which is part chopsticks & part fork. Some call this product clever....I call it crazy cutlery with an identity crisis.

• A friend accused of having circular reasoning when I argue. I like to think of it as having no loose ends.

• My company is planning to release 700 balloons for Diabetes day. They wouldn't let me assist them in blowing the balloons... How did they find out that I had a thing for inhaling Helium?!

• Do you know that feeling that you've forgotten something but can't remember what is it? Worst part is you eventually remember when it's too late!

• No matter how impossible your dream is don't let anybody ever tell you that you're too small or too slow...or in my case too uncoordinated to achieve it.

• Facebookers. I've been noticing for the past month that when I buy milk from Carrefour the milk goes bad "3 DAYS" before it's given date!!! So. To the crook who decided to play with the dates to trick the consumers... I HOPE YOU GET RUN OVER BY A CATTLE OF MAD COWS!

• Good morning. Here's my advise for today: don't sleep on your face for a long period of time, because the results are just unattractive.

• I prefer to travel in the winter. Why? Because I don't have to suck my stomach in, but let it free within the privacy of my large coat.

• The housekeeping service leaves extra chocolate and soaps in my room cause I keep it clean...less work for her. I suppose I'm thoughtful in a weird kind of way.

• If sitting on a suitcase won't make it close, body slam it.

• On the plane I was waiting for the toilet (the rest had a cue). Before me was an ordinary looking local girl who took 35 friggin minutes to transform in a gamboo3a freak! For God's Sake we r arriving to Dubai at 3 in the morning when everyone is tired cranky and want to find all their luggage !!You wasted 35mins of my time you week old pile of monkey spit!

• Trying to convince the organizers of Motor Show to trade my soul for the one of a kind Aston Martin.

• How easy it is to jugde a person by what they wear and drive and not observe their demeanore. Heck I've met people who dress fancy BUT are well mannered and down to earth!

• MashAllah it's a beautiful morning...until someone driving next to spits on the side. I swear to God I have the urge to roll down my window, honk once, make him roll his window and when he does, I'm going to throw a tissue box right in his face and yell: USE IT! Don't make me come over there!

• Millions are spent on stadiums, concert events, hotels and restaurants. Billions are spent on advertising and promoting them. Why is it that we do not seem to want to dedicate the necessary resources to give our children the best we can offer? State of the art museums and innovatively inspiring playgrounds and nurseries? Just saying.

• I am truly saddened. People have this strange energy to get ready or dolled up to go to malls and fancy places, but if there's a small charity project or volunteer request (for a short duration) they will come up with a 1001 excuse not to go for it...is this what Sheikh Zayed (Allah Yer7ameh) left behind? Superficial h...

• Just when you delicately turned the pages of an unpleasent past it sometimes flips and gives you a paper cut

• Ladies. Chopsticks is not a hair accsecory. No I don't care how trendy you place it on your hair cause it's meant to be used on a sushi dish not your friggin head.

• Why is it ok to kill flies but not dolphins? Is the poor fly any less deserving of our respect and protection? Excuse me...*rolls a magazine* need to whack something thts annoying me. It's aaah a dolphin.

• To the so called 'foreign expertise' that don't contribute much and demand a ridiculous salary package that can help 4 emarati family. Did you stash your IQ and expertise in a secret off shore account?

• The ultimate Gafta: raising your hand for a high five but your freind didn't realize and then you have to put your hand down awkwardly infront of everyone then laugh it off. Thank you. Fffreind.

Monday, April 5, 2010

A frustrated Emarati


Honest to God sometimes I don't know why our country bothers with some of these 'foreign expertise'!
Don't get me wrong, I have many non-Emarati friends who are hard working and respect the culture and traditions of this country, but the greater majority who slither to this country are just down right disgusting. They demand high salaries even though we (and them) are aware that they are:

-Incompetent, greedy and selfish
-Have no respect to the tradition and culture of the UAE and its people
-Do not bother in learning our language (almost 85% of Emaratis are Bi-lingual while they only speak one language)
-Insult the capabilities and potential of the UAE people
-Do not wish to train and guide Emaratis (Knowledge Transfer)
-Bring in their own friends in positions that rightfully belong to Emaratis

I am amazed how they refer to themselves as 'foreign experts' when they have the contribution value of a road kill!